My offer still stands, but if you get us out of here alive, I’m throwing anal in with the deal”
– Tasha (Kenzie Phillips)
If you are reading this because Don’t F*** in the Woods 2 sounds like a great title, save yourself the effort of reading further and go watch it. For fans of movies featuring scantily clad women running through the woods with bloodstained cleavage, chased by sex-hungry monsters, director/writer Shawn Burkett and co-writer Cheyenne Gordon have a great one for you. Based on the straightforward formula of blood, boobs, and beasts, DFITW 2 has plenty to offer the less discriminating viewer. Advice for those who want something better than action and bare skin, temper your expectations.
Picking up where the original Don’t F*** in the Woods (2016) ends, the sequel is a throwback to 1980s summer camp slashers and teen sex comedies. Brittany Blanton returns as Jane, the butt-kicking final girl of the first film. This time she is trying to save the horny camp counselors of Pine Hills Summer Camp from a slew of bizarre beasts attracted by sex. She and the surviving counselors fight back against the creatures, culminating in a chainsaw and dynamite showdown with the big bad.
Aside from the nudity and graphic sexual content, DFITW 2 is easy on the eyes and ears. It is not an amateur production with poor lighting and terrible sound. With dozens of credits under his name, Burkett wears many hats (director, producer, cinematographer) and is more than competent behind the camera. This experience pays off. Burkett keeps the action in frame and clearly photographed. The sound quality is good. While the dialogue is not scintillating, there are plenty of good one-liners and insults.
The effects are mostly practical and look great. DFITW2 steps up its creature game from a guy in a rubber monster suit. There are several monsters: creepy-crawly slugs, an Aliens-style queen mother, and a horde of hyper-horny zombies.
The action starts at 11 and heads into over-the-top territory. The audience gets to watch scissors to the brain, arterial sprays and a circular saw to the face. For the deviants in the audience (no kink-shaming intended), there are penis-shaped slugs crawling into personal spaces and light tentacle porn. Caveat emptor!
However, this is not a movie about a well-defined character’s personal journey through a life-threatening crisis as they confront their inner demons while battling external monsters. The characters are pretty poorly drawn and easily forgettable amidst all the action. There are a few attempts to add some emotional depth to the story, but these insights into their psyches pop up then, just as suddenly disappear, unresolved.
The cast, many of them veteran’s low-budget, exploitation movies, are clearly much older than their “barely old enough to drink‘’ roles.
Don’t F*** In The Woods 2 hits digital on October 11, 2022, with a Blu-ray to follow in December from Wild Eye Releasing. While not to everyone’s taste, many viewers will definitely enjoy the chaotic and gory film. I think you know who you are.
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I am a lifelong lover of horror who delights in the uncanny and occasionally writes about it. My writing has appeared at DIS/MEMBER and in Grim magazine. I am also in charge of programming at WIWLN’s Insomniac Theater, the Internet’s oldest horror movie blog written by me. The best time to reach me is before dawn.